So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
