This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
