So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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