is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
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I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
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I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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