i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Green mimosas i think yes
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
