just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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