I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
