Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We were destined to go to rehab together
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
