Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
