when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
