the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
