Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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