It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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