I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
