they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
