My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
