If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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