You don't have asthma, your pregnant
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
