We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Randomize
