I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
