mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
