Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
