I wanna passion pit in your ass
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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