when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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