drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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