i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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