I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
