Just mADE A PArabola og urine
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
