Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
