im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
