....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
