You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
