Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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