after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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