I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
