Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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