the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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