so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
