bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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