my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
