That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
