I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
