do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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