I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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