I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
