so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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