Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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