I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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