it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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