so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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