I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
