I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
