I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
