I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
