just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
