: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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