He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
