i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
