false alarm. still invincible.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
