After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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