I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
