I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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