dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
