I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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